Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
