There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
