yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize