Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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