but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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