The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
