If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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