Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Let's paint friendship bongs
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
