Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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