It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Come share oat with me in your robe
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
not ubering you a puppy
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
