Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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