Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
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