You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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