I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I believe in your delicious
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
