I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
