Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize