I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
