Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
