he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
