you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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