Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
