So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
