Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
