so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
