Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
