I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
dude. I can hear the air.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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