I want to make a zoo with you.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
