she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
