all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
