She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
