yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
