Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize