Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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