Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
