I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
