Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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