I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
