We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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