That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
