Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
