I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
What a dumb baby whore.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I have tasted many bathrooms
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize