New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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