Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
