There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
