put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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