No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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