is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
