I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she peed on how many people?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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