we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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