She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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