I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
