you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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