I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The Olympian is in my bed
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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