so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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