I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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