you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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