6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize