Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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