Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
