I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
