Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
