Pants 0. Shit 1.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
