No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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