Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
