I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
we're so committed to being not committed
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
