so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
