Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize