weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
