I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
