The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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