I'm so fucking centered right now
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
