Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
