So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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