i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
