I cockslap morals
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
