ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
