am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
