suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
