How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Randomize
