my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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