i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
