Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
