Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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