Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You smell like stripper and shame
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
