Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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