But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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