don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
