We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Every concussion has its silver lining
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize