So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
