guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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