you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
