the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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